All-Purpose Slams

This is one of the most ancient Forms of Insult, and by far the most challenging. An All-Purpose Slam is an insult that can be used against absolutely anybody, regardless of race, creed, color, sex or taste in clothing. The only assumption you are allowed to make is that the slamee is capable of both giving and receiving verbal insults (Stephen Hawking rolling up in his wheelchair and piping insults through his voice synthesizer, for example, may not be attackable by every All-Purpose Slam).
      Following is a list of All-Purpose Slams (please feel free to send suggestions to me at so this list can grow to a useable size):
  1. Hot air makes balloons go up. What's holding you down?
  2. Your family is from the shallow end of the gene pool, isn't it?
  3. Oh, you want to trade insults? Wait here while I go get a lobotomy, and we'll start even.
  4. Do you have a congenital defect or is stupidity a cultural thing for you?
  5. Let me guess -- your Mom used your soft spot as a planter, didn't she?
  6. The Asshole Convention is a few blocks down, sir (ma'am). You'll be missed if you don't hurry along.
  7. Don't you have a Dipshit Encounter Meeting or something to go to?
  8. Whatever medication you're taking, up the dosage.
  9. Next time you go out, take a sentient being with you.
  10. Just the omission of your writings alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
  11. How old were you when your brain got up and left?
  12. Do you have a chemical imbalance or is this just an attitude problem?
  13. When do your batteries run down?
  14. Yeah, but you're ugly and confused.
  15. When your IQ hits 90, sell.