Discordian Metaphysics and the Five Realities
``The Truth is Five but men have but one word for it.'' --
- 1: The Region of Thud, a.k.a. The
Abyss of Hallucinations, a.k.a. Reality
This is where we think we are most of the time. It's possible that we are all
just programs in a huge computer, or disembodied hallucinating brains in jars
or something equally weird; but since this can't be proven, we might as well
stick with what we think we know. Some wise guy once defined ``reality'' as
``that which doesn't disappear when you decide to quit believing in it,'' which
is about as accurate as we can get at our present stage of evolution.
- 2: Limbo, a.k.a. Nirvana, a.k.a. Olympus, etc.
``The place where the powers that be and a lot of their friends hang out,''
according to St. Zonker Harris. Actually, Limbo is a place of deities, demons
and other theological types who are ``between jobs.'' One area, referred to as
``Limbo Peak,'' is home to the Greek gods, most of whom have been out of work for
quite awhile now. At present, Eris is one of the few of this gang with steady
employment, what with all the cutbacks and
- 3: Pre-Illusion, a.k.a. the Void, a.k.a.
Not much is known about this level of existence. Apparently, Pre-Illusion is
the stage before ``Reality,'' but reality never completely cancels it out -- The
two are at odds. (It has also been theorized that this is where the odd socks
go from clothes dryers.)
- 4: The Afterlife, a.k.a. Hades
There are many different theories regarding what happens to you after you die.
One thing most faiths agree on is that the nonexistence you experience when you
die is not permanent -- after all, you didn't exist before you were born, and
it didn't last then, either. We Erisians believe that when you die, you go to
Hades. For those of you still recovering from other theologies, Hades is not
the same as ``Hell.'' Granted, the evil are supposed to get back all of the crap
they inflicted when alive, but the righteous (not the ``self-righteous,'' though,
most likely) get to enjoy ``Paradise,'' which can vary between a serene garden
and a wild party, depending on the residents' moods. The big debate is about
whether you stay there or not -- there is violent disagreement between various
Erisian sects about the existence or nonexistence of reincarnation. Personally,
I like the idea -- but then I'm a proponent of other types of recycling, also.
(Besides, it's fun to threaten non-believers with the possibility of being
reincarnated as Veg-O-Matics if they don't repent of their ways.)
- 5: Beforelife, a.k.a. Spirit World, a.k.a.
Platonic Ideal Realm
Discordia's present mailing address. ``We were all just ideas before we were
born. All perfect. All so very beautiful...'' -- St. Arthur Dekker (M.A.) This
level of reality is sometimes visited by dreamers, lunatics, shamans, acidheads
and Discordians consulting their
(a category that quite often
overlaps the other four). It acts as sort of a petri dish for meme cultures.
are stored here (I'd have more info on the Records, but my
``library card'' expired in a previous incarnation, and I've been too busy to get
a new one). As far as it can be determined, any ``thing'''s path is as follows:
first, it starts as an archetype in the Beforelife, then it becomes an idea in
Pre-Illusion, then it ``exists'' in Reality, and then it comes to rest in the
Afterlife; the whole process being guided and manipulated from Limbo. Data on
the theoretical structure of the Pentaverse is available in Dr. W. Clement
Cotex, PhD's paper, ``The Penta-heroidal Universe,'' Psychometronic Monthly,
5/17/77, pp. 23 to 42 fnord. Thanks also go to Shaii-Seamus Stone, W.H.M., for
information on Pre-Illusion, and to the Church of the SubGeniusTM for the
term ``Beforelife.'' Further information on Discordian cosmology can be found in
``Book of the Uterus,''
parts of which were reprinted on the