The Original Erisian Calendar

     The original Erisian calendar was much different than the one we use today. At first, the Five Seasons were the mundane Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer with the addition of the Season of Disorder, which was a nicely discontinuous season during which the four seasons changed into each other.
           As are all things, the actual keeping track of the date was personal, up to the discretion (or lack thereof) of the individual Popes. The first chilly snap in the middle of Summer was the first sign of trouble. The more robust Discordians didn't notice the cold (or, at least, claimed not to; a lot of them were converted worshippers of Mars and hadn't managed to beat the machismo thing yet [it was sad; they stood there in their surf jams shivering, complaining about the terrible heat and laughing at the people strolling by in parkas]), and continued merrily counting the days of Summer. The more tentative brethren and sistren marked it down as the first day of Disorder, while others considered it to be Fall 1 (a couple of Chicken Little types jumped right on over to Winter 5, incidentally).
           Well, it was all very exciting for the next couple of days, with many a ``Hail Eris'' and high five as Discordian dates began to diverge more and more markedly from each other. By what we would now call the Season of Bureaucracy (we think; the dates we've managed to uncover range from Summer 87 to Fall 3 [going whichever way 'round you care to]), there weren't any two Discordians who agreed on the date.
           One intrepid Pope, who was getting tired of having one-man holyday parties on the 5th of each month (and who was likewise tired of having to count days whilst fermenting batches of his Golden Apple Hard Cider) beseeched Goddess, standing with his five gold-bound copies of the Principia Discordia like Charlton Heston come down from the mountain, crying unto Heaven:
``Lady of Discord, what is the date?''

           Eris appeared in a beatific vision, seated at Her Breakfast Nook, sipping Her Coffee with Saint Gulik in His manifestation as Juan Valdez. She checked Her Calendar Watch, and said, with dulcet tones which rang down from beyond the Firmament --
``Aftermath 12.''

           She then reached over a delicate hand, clad in the purest samite, and pulled down the interdimensional shade, murmuring (perhaps; the exact wording, being utterly unimportant, has of course been the topic of heated debate for centuries among philosophers) ``Can't even finish a cup of coffee around here...''
           The Pope, indulging in a rare display of good sense, promptly filled in the dates around Aftermath 12 and passed it off as the Word of Goddess. Since he didn't say that all the words were Goddess' and nobody thought to ask which one was Her's, he perpetrated quite the effective hoax (and also cleaned up by selling Official Word of Goddess desk calendars, making him the first Discordian Profit). In his memory (whoever he was), we maintain the calendar he made up.
           Do you believe that?