This is one of the most ancient Forms of Insult, and by far the most
challenging. An All-Purpose Slam is an insult that can be used against
absolutely anybody, regardless of race, creed, color, sex or taste in
clothing. The only assumption you are allowed to make is that the slamee is
capable of both giving and receiving verbal insults (Stephen Hawking rolling
up in his wheelchair and piping insults through his voice synthesizer, for
example, may not be attackable by every All-Purpose Slam).
Following is a list of All-Purpose Slams (please feel free to send suggestions
to me at firstname.lastname@example.org so this list can grow
to a useable size):
- Hot air makes balloons go up. What's holding you down?
- Your family is from the shallow end of the gene pool, isn't it?
- Oh, you want to trade insults? Wait here while I go get a lobotomy, and we'll
- Do you have a congenital defect or is stupidity a cultural thing for you?
- Let me guess -- your Mom used your soft spot as a planter, didn't she?
- The Asshole Convention is a few blocks down, sir (ma'am). You'll be missed if
you don't hurry along.
- Don't you have a Dipshit Encounter Meeting or something to go to?
- Whatever medication you're taking, up the dosage.
- Next time you go out, take a sentient being with you.
- Just the omission of your writings alone would make a fairly good library
out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
- How old were you when your brain got up and left?
- Do you have a chemical imbalance or is this just an attitude problem?
- When do your batteries run down?
- Yeah, but you're ugly and confused.
- When your IQ hits 90, sell.