A Gift from the Goddess
I spake unto Eris, saying ``Lady of Discord, what is the Truth?'' Her
reply was swift. A flash of plaid flooded my senses (yes, ALL of them -- and
if you think plaid is hard on the eyes, you should try smelling
it sometime), and suddenly there was a small wooden block with a bright yellow
``T'' on it sitting in front of me.
``There ya go, Thwackster.'' spake She What Done it All. ``I put the
Truth inside the block where it couldn't wander about loose and hurt
someone. You are now the Keeper of the Truth. You have to keep it out of the
hands of the Thuddites, and in return for this service the Truth is yours to
look upon and ponder to your heart's content.''
``But I'd have to cut the box open or drill a hole in it to see the
Truth. Wouldn't that let it out?'' I asked, mildly befuddled.
``No, no, no, ya idgit,'' She said lovingly, ``I made sure that the
Truth would always be inside the box. If you cut it or
drill a hole in it, you're just changing the shape of the box.
The Truth stays inside.''
``How can I view it?'' I asked, my head beginning to spin.
``That's your problem, kiddo.''
I was thus enlightened, and began to chuckle madly.
I noticed that a ``5'',a couple of ``N'''s and an ``H'' were visible
but beginning to fade on the sides of the block.
``What gives with the other letters, Goddess?''
``Well, this little box has seen a lot of use,'' She explained. ``I
tried to put Nothing in it a couple of times, but every time I looked to
see if it was still there, the box was empty. So I gave up. I put Hubris in
it as a gift for Mars, but he said he was way too cool to need such a
thing. Clearly, he was quite right. I put the
on there because I like it.''
I turned the block over in my hand, and found that there was a bright
green ``H'' on the other side of it.
``What's the `H' for, Beauteous Babe of Belly-laughs?'' I inquired.
``Well, I had some room left after I put the Truth in the box, so I
figured I'd might as well put Jimmy Hoffa in it, too. Now you know where he
is. Look, I've got a couple of miracles to perform for an `Our Lady of
Fatima' revival, so I'm gonna fly. Be loose, Al.''
And that is how I came to be the Keeper of the Truth.