The Socratic Approach is most successful when confronting the
ignorant. The ``Socratic Approach'' is what you call starting an argument by
asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask ``Did you know that
God's name is
ERIS,
and that He is a girl?'' If he should answer ``Yes.'' then he
probably is a fellow Erisian and so you can forget it. If he says ``No.'' then
quickly proceed to:
The Blind Assertion and say ``Well, He is a girl, and His name is
ERIS!'' Shrewdly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear him into
the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he does not
appear convinced, then proceed to:
The Faith Bit: ``But you must have Faith! All is lost without Faith! I
sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith.'' And then add:
The Argument by Fear and in an ominous voice ask ``Do you know what
happens to those who deny Goddess?'' If he hesitates, don't tell him that he
will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the
poor in the
Region of Thud
(which would be a mean thing to say), just shake
your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:
The First Clause Ploy wherein you point to all of the discord and
confusion in the world and exclaim ``Well who the hell do you think did all of
this, wise guy?'' If he says, ``Nobody, just impersonal forces.'' then quickly
respond with:
The Argument by Semantical Gymnastics and say that he is absolutely
right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is ERIS.
If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to: The Figurative Symbolism Dodge and confide that sophisticated people
like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable
Metaphysical Reality and that
The Erisian Movement
is really more like a poem
than like a science and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious Mao
Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if he does not get
hip. Then put him on your mailing list.
As is the case with all evangelists, there is a good chance that a heckler or
two will materialize and make your Holey Work difficult (the African tribesmen
used to rip on the Christian Missonaries plenty before the Christian Soldiers
showed up). In order to prepare for such contingencies, it might be a good
idea to have a bunch of
All-Purpose Slams
memorized.
Also useful is this treatise on
how to win arguments.