I send this at the request of
Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst,
Grand Ballyhoo of Egypt and co-founder of the
no-faith
of
Discordianism,
in the defense of Christine D. Tobey's claim that Discordianism is her
religion.
I've known
Chaplin IM False
for, my Goddess, it must be weeks. She has been a staunch Discordian (well,
as staunch as a Discordian can be. We're rather staunch about our opposition
to staunchiness, since staunchiness is a bad thing by and large) for the entire
time I've known her, and quite some time before that, I've been told. Her
understanding of chaos and confusion is deep and profound in its shallow
silliness. Her ability to be random in the face of authority is Zen-like, and
I applaud her with one hand. Truly is she some of the best of us.
She recently contacted me regarding your rejection of her petition for
religious exemption from your little gestapo-esque operation, and I must say
I'm appalsied (uh-pall-zeed; adj. left shaking with indignation).
I mean, it doesn't come right out and say anywhere in the Bible that
selling your soul to the Devil is bad, but a person with even limited cognitive
faculties could certainly figure it out. Likesuch and similarly, it says in
the introduction to the Principia Discordia (on page i,
fergoddesssake!) that ``...organization is the work of the Devil.'' I know
that you're a lawyer and all, but that doesn't give you license to perpetrate
all forms of obtusity (that word is not in the dictionary, I'm afraid).
If you were collecting money to build a YMSA (Young Men's Satanist Club), you'd
probably wouldn't give any Christians a hard time if they didn't particularly
care to contribute to the cause. If there is one stretch of common ground
between Discordians and Christians (and there are actually several, but they
haven't been farmed very well up until recently), it is that none of us much
like the idea of funding the Devil.
I'm sure Lord Omar sent you everything you could ever want to know about the
nuts, screwballs and bolts of Discordianism. Therefore, in keeping with one of
the sillier habits of one of the more popular contemporary religions (which,
for some reason, you give automatic recognition to. I'll
rant
a bit more on this topic later, because if I don't pull out of this
parenthetical comment now, I'll almost certainly lose you before long), I will
Testify (actually, this isn't as intrinsically silly as the Christian version,
which usually boils down to preaching to the converted in a sort of theological
circle-jerk. I will therefore endeavor to instill more silliness in it so as
not to disappoint you).
(Hereafter followed my personal history of enlightenment, which I shall not
repeat as it is available in my
semi-autobiography.)
``A religion based on rejecting logic and worshipping an ancient Goddess of
Confusion?'' you ask. ``How ridiculous!'' you insist.
That's right. Intentionally so, in fact. However, before you condemn us for
this, please consider another religion based around ridiculosity (once again,
put down the dictionary), called Christianity.
Any Christian (well, almost any) will tell you two things about his god: He is
all-powerful and entirely benevolent.
This can clearly be debunked by simply observing that people are often quite
miserable. If god is benevolent, he wishes only happiness for his beloved
children. If he is all-powerful, he can certainly arrange that.
The standard Christian argument against this is that god gave us
free will
and that this allows us to choose to be miserable. Allow me to reiterate
their first point: God is all-powerful. If he can do absolutely
anything, then he can give us free will and keep us happy, even if the
two imply some sort of logical contradiction (Logic? God don't need no
stinking logic).
Most Christians believe that when you die, if you've been good (read
``Christian'') you go to Heaven, where you're free-willed, sin-free and
minty-fresh. If they believe that god can pull it off in Heaven, how can they
insist that he can't do it here?
Christianity's beliefs are, obviously, quite ridiculous (of course, they have a
snazzy term for believing self-contradictory idiocies -- ``The Mystery of
Faith''), but I'm sure that doesn't keep you from recognizing them as a
religion. If you're going to grant special status to absurdity, at least have
the common decency to grant it to ALL absurdities. Discordianism is, when all
is said and done, one of the greatest absurdities of all times.
Yours Unruly,
Episkopos Aloysius Thudthwacker, Pope, Keeper of the Truth.
PS - Besides, if you continue to be obstinate in your failure to accept
Goddess, you'll be reincarnated as a precious Mao button and distributed
to the poor in the Region of Thud.
PPS - As a tenant in the Church of Discord, I would feel very violated
by a union.
PPPS - Hire a proofreader, you gits.