Discordianism
Well, I think
Pope Icky Fundament, PZK
hit the proverbial penis on the head when someone asked him what
Discordianism is:
-
-
Is it a religion for the 90s? A joke for the religious? Or just a lot
of fun? Who knows, who cares, why bother? Here's a phone card, call someone
who gives a shit.
But that's not what I'm here to tell you. Nosiree, I'm here to tell
you about the thing that's gonna help you through the turbulent Last Days of
the Twentieth Century (Much Lamented). That's Discordianism. And, for the
healthful among you, Discordianism Lite.
What is it, you say? Well, it's a great way to get neat things in
the mail. And it's a great way to pick up girls, boys, aliens, and your
occasional mushroom at parties. And it slices and dices! Does it make sense
out of a constantly changing society in which nobody is sure of their rightful
place? NO! Nothing can do that! But it can make you stop caring.
``What's in it for me?'' you ask, much like Donald Trump did when offered
oral sex. But what you don't understand is, YOU'RE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION!
What you should be asking is, ``What ISN'T in it for me?''
Ask that now.
Good thing you asked that. What ISN'T in Discordianism or
Easy Listening Discordianism is Eternal Damnation! Also not in it is
Guilt! Or Death! Okay, maybe you WILL die, but your memory will live on
in your Wholly Writings, which can only be inspired by Eris! Eris, who
inspired the
Principia Discordia,
the Bible, the Koran, the Talmud, and the Tasteless
Jokes series! Eris the all-humorous! Be funny in the name of the Queen of
Hilarity.
However, just for fun, I'll give you a little insight as to what is in
it for you. We have a long and illustrious (if not entirely what one might be
tempted to call ``true'')
history,
a set of
metaphysics
that even Bugs Bunny could be proud of, a nonstandard-issue
Only Begotten Son
of our
Goddess,
a set of
ethics
that are so easy no one will ever try them, a wonderful set of
Torot Cards
with which to interpret the
Pentaverse
(any similarity between our cards and
any
others
that you may find elsewhere is purely circumstantial and might not even form
a reliable basis for a law suit), a nice
Mandala
(from the Hindu word for ``Eye-Bugging Headache Generator of Many Tacky
Colors'') and, to keep the children out of mischief, a small
Jihad.
We have other things as well, but if you think I'm going give you a nice, easy
central link-hub to everything, welcome to the Discordian Society
(notice the lack of link); you're stark raving crazy.
There are, of course, an infinitude of definitions of Discordianism.
One
appears in the
Jargon File,
which is all but legendary in the Annals of Geekdom. (Be forewarned, however,
that the little .fr that you may have noticed in the URL names
indicates that this little ditty is maintained by our distant European buddies
on
FrogNet.
The astute among you will notice that computers are neither
food nor sex, and will accordingly expect very
little here. Poke around, though. Pope Icky and
myself
found it hugely amusing. [However, due to the incredible slowness {and
occasional nonexistence, if their one existing Timex Sinclair-based
router is down} of those links, I've included a more local and snappy
link to both the Jargon
File and the reference in it to
Discordianism.
I leave the old links because, even after all these years, I still
laugh at the word ``FrogNet''.])