Those Wiccan Waccos

Christine Tobey (aka Chaplin IM False of the Legion of Dynamic Discord ) recently sent me a bound copy of the major epistles sent during the cursed CSEA Affair. One of the things in the mish-mash of stuff was the following article, written by Ian Bear, which appeared in Green Egg, which seems to be some kind of Neo-pagan/Wiccan magazine or other. I have decided to forgive them for saying that Discordianism was invented by Robert Anton Wilson and Bob Shea; 'tis so much the better if people are confused as to whether or not Lord Omar is a figment of Robert Anton Wilson's overflowing cesspool of an imagination.

      by Ian Bear

While Church of All Worlds has adopted many Wicca practices and flavors many of its rituals heavily with Wicca derived material, CAW is not strictly a Wicca tradition as such. CAW draws from many roots, and the basic membership pledge does not include any particular obligation to perform Wicca rituals. I would like to take this opportunity to discuss yet another of the many mystical, scientific, and pop culture traditions that have blended into and influenced CAW, namely the Discordian tradition.
      Neopagan Discordianism as we know it was started in a bowling alley around 1958 by two white guys having a mystical vision. They went on to publish Principia Discordia, which became an underground cult favorite and remains in print today. Its central point is that chaos can be creative as well as destructive, and that chaos and humor are necessary to combat the destructive order rampant in the world today.
      Being European guys, they saw Eris from the Greek tradition, famous for Her golden apples of discord. However, the honoring of chaos as a universal force has roots going back through the mists of time and through many cultures around the Earth. The use of humor and the presence of trickster deities to enlighten dull souls, and keep religions from becoming too pompous and stuffy has been a multicultural phenomenon throughout the ages. Modern Discordianism has lost little time adopting and honoring these diverse forms of sacred chaos.
      Coyote has been Turtle Island's major trickster deity, and a favorite among Neopagan Discordians. Indeed, he has undergone quite a remarkable revival lately. He frequently ignores the strictures of the guardians of native purity, and visits white folk who appreciate his humor and/or have need of his teachings. This does not mean endorsement of "new age" hucksterism however, and I don't know if I want to stick around to see what he does with those who pimp the mysteries.
      The kachina dancers of the American southwest included a special sort of kachina, the mud heads, whose job was to make fun of the ritual and act as jesters. Humor and clowning were considered not to contradict the sacred atmosphere, but to be a necessary part of a healthy, balanced spirituality.
      More tricksters from other cultures include Elegba from Africa, Papa Ghedde from Haiti, Pombagira from Brazil, Puck from Britain, Loki from Scandinavia, and Bugs Bunny from recent video iconography.
      Divine irreverence is an important part of the Discordian tradition, and has been an important part of CAW. Irreverence allows all ideas to be called into question, and prevents them from hardening into rigid dogmas. Any religion is capable of falling into institutional rigidity and dogmatism, even the Taoists, and if we're not careful, the Discordians. However, sometimes it is better to let the dogma harden a little before dealing with it. It's easier to scoop up that way.
      The trickster is able to bring up in a humorous way issues that may still be too controversial to begin serious debates over. Willingness to parody ourselves protects us from becoming truly ridiculous, and renders parodies of us by our enemies utterly useless. If the New Agers were more willing to parody themselves, their culture might have filtered out some of its more absurd notions, and spared itself much vicious lampooning from without. It is the job of the Discordian to disrupt unhealthy patterns, including one's own. It should be noted that making pointless wisecracks just as the energy is peaking in a ritual is not a positive use of irreverence.
      On a larger scale the chaos magician is able to work vast changes unattainable through ordinary, orderly means. Where chaotic systems exist, it is now well known that in the right place, a small flutter can transform the entire system. This is known in chaos science as the butterfly effect. In these fast changing times, at this crossroads of history, in this time of crisis and opportunity, our entire society is a chaotic system. By observing society keenly, and choosing the appropriate moment for the golden apple to be launched, the chaos magician can work great changes in society through the social butterfly effect.
      The following are five element invocations used during actual Discordian rituals with the IDES nest. The five Discordian elements mentioned in Principia Discordia are Sweet, Orange, Pungent, Prickle, and Boom. They are only briefly mentioned by Malaclypse the Younger in the cosmogeny section, and none of this is to be taken as dogma. Those doing Discordian rituals may use some, all, or none of these invocations, or ignore the whole notion of element calling altogether. The floor may be opened to calling other favorite elements, and the order of calling could be determined by tossing a golden apple back and forth.

Invocation: Oh ever blessed sweetness, be within us now. We call upon the spirits of chocolate, honey, ice cream, and good, gentle loving to be among our gathering this evening. May kindness and sweetness flourish among us in this circle, and may we always have goodies to share.
Dismissal: Oh sweet, ere you depart to your sticky realm, give us just one more taste of your delicious confections, and we will bask in the afterglow of your affections. Go if you must, so that you do not become cloying or revoltingly sweet, and we will appreciate you all the more when you return.

Invocation: Oh full ,round, ripe, nourishing orange, be with us now. May you ever be pulpy and palpable, genuine and natural, and never dehydrated, reprocessed, irradiated, or pesticided. Feed our stomachs, hearts, and souls. Provide us with our recommended daily allowance of vitamin C. May we be healthy and well nourished within this circle.
Dismissal: Orange, ere you become mushy and moldy, and no longer so nourishing, please depart these premises and return to the earth so that we may be nourished by you again someday. So it is that none of the elements are totally dismissed, but go outward to join in the chaotic dance of the

Invocation: We call upon the essence of pungency, the sensual, the untamed, that wild smell we cannot ignore. We call upon that goaty aroma that does not know how to behave at parties, that which will keep us ever connected with nature, the beast within us, that wild card trickster factor that will keep civilization from strangling all. May the wildness and sensuality within us live and grow within this circle.
Dismissal: Oh pungent air you depart, leaving a lingering aroma and strange stains on the bedsheets. Go if you must, and come again sometime.

Invocation: Oh Great Mother of Chaos, let us not lapse into oblivion and unconsciousness. When we have become comfortably numb, prickle us, awaken us, enliven us. Prickle us enough that we stay awake and learn our lessons, and please make the lessons no harder then they need to be. May we be awake and fully alive in this circle.
Dismissal: Essence of prickle, though we grant you permission to depart if you will, we know we are not off the hook. Ere you depart to your spiny realms, leave us with the awareness to continue along our paths without falling into the pit of obliviousness.

Invocation: Boom is the element that started it all. The echoes of the Big Boom still vibrate through the known universe. The waves of that mighty primordial explosion still splash about, sometimes spreading outward, sometimes crashing in on one another, or getting caught in vast celestial toilet bowls and forming spiral galaxies. It was a chaotic eddy in one of those toilet bowls that formed our sun, and the gurgling splash of that eddy that formed the planets. We are of the froth splashing atop the mighty waves of this expanding universe. It is thanks to the chaotic force that this froth is ever dancing, ever changing. May we grow and change in harmony with the forces of creative chaos.
Dismissal: Oh boom, I don't know if it will do much to dismiss you since no matter what I say, the echoes of the Big Boom will continue to reverberate throughout the All, but then again who am I to say what you can and can't do? Just keep the chaotic motion and dance of the universe going. May the heat death of the universe be ever averted. Hail and sleet and fare well.

A word of warning to the wise:
Though this be the light hearted Discordian tradition, serious caution is advised in calling physically manifest elementals of these elements. If you call a pungent elemental to your apartment, you may never get your security deposit back, and a boom elemental may level portions of the neighborhood. Indeed, it is best if the physical forms of these sorts of elementals remain a warped alternative D&D concept.
      It should also be remembered that Discordianism is about the balance of order and chaos that brings about creation, and not about chaos run amok. Falling into the pit of destructive chaos is no more fun than the effects of destructive order. The eclectic Discordian should embrace diversity and include positive orderly practices in a spiritual path as well.

A historical note:
One fine evening, after calling in the elements using the invocations above, plus some extra ones for important elements such as garlic and chocolate, which were thoughtlessly omitted by the great Malaclypse the Younger, I tossed a lovely round organic golden delicious apple into the circle, announcing it was for the prettiest. A friend seized the apple, and got out a knife, planning to divvy it up among all the pretty folk assembled. First she sliced the apple horizontally, and triumphantly holding the halves in the air, proclaimed, "Behold, the sign of the penta--, oops, it's a six sided apple." It was then we knew the She had come to bless our simple rite of devotion with sacred confusion.
For yet more terribly secret and powerful Erisian magickqual ceremonies, I refer you to the dreaded Turkey Curse and the Paper Clip Sacrifice.